The Valor Blog.
Investment News and Views, Direct from Our Team.

Unbelievable Investment – Hurry or you will miss out!

Ladies and Gentlemen, have I got a deal for you…

There is this new and exciting investment which is really popular at the moment. It is called “Housing Bubble Pty Ltd”. Everyone is getting into it. I am offering 1 share in this business for only $600,000 that pays out 2% net return. That’s right, 2% net return!!

You only need pay 50 times earnings for this investment. This is the hottest investment going around right now. This is the one that is going to make you rich! All of our parents got rich off this investment back when “Housing Bubble Pty Ltd” was $200,000 15 years ago. It always goes up, it will never go down, just ask your European and American friends. All the experts say it will double over the next 7 years like it always has and it will be $1.2 million before you know it. For those that didn’t do year 8 maths, the compound growth of this investment is 10% per year. If you hold onto this investment, it will be worth $1.2 Million in 2020, $2.4 million in 2027, $4.8 million in 2034, $9.6 Million in 2041, $19.2 million in 2047, 38.4 Million in 2054, $76.8 Million in 2061, $153.6 Million in 2068. By this time, the average wage will be $355,000 and everyone will be borrowing 432 times their average wage to get into this investment.

But you have to hurry. If you don’t dive in right now, you will miss the boat.

On top of these excellent returns, you can borrow almost the full value of the investment at rates higher than you are going to make on the investment.

Details of the investment are as follows:

Price: $600,000 for one share

Return: 4% gross and 2% after all costs

Growth: 10% over the long term (7% above average wage growth – it has always been this way and will always be this way forever -trust me!) (The experts who write newspaper columns or run mortgage brokering businesses tell me it is going to grow at 15% a year for the next few years)

This investment will also be locked up and will require many months before you can sell it. Also if your investment falls in value and is below what you borrowed for it, you won’t be able to sell it. But hurry, everyone is doing it and you may miss out!

On top of the lack of liquidity, you may also have extra costs because the people who use your investment may trash it and you will have to foot the bill for the repairs. You will need to manage the investment with at least 20 to 30 hours of work per year. But it is paying you an exciting 2% a year for all this. 50 times earnings is a bargain. Come on, everyone is doing it!

If you haven’t joined the crowd, you can also set up an SMSF and invest in this wonderful investment at even higher interest rates. So whilst you will make 2% net return, you can borrow at 6% instead if 5%! But wait, there is more!

All the newspapers are telling us that the market is going to boom and interest rates are at 60 year lows. You have to take advantage of the interest rates at 60 year lows because when interest rates go up there will be less demand for “Housing Bubble Pty Ltd” and you will be buying when less people are interested. The best investments are the ones that are the most popular. The Sydney Morning Herald who owns the Domain website said so, so it must be true. Also The Australian newspaper said so and they own Realestate.com.au so they also have no conflicted interest in this boom. And Australia’s most suave investment guru Mr Mark Bouris said “Housing Bubble Pty Ltd” was going to boom, so it must be true. Mr Bouris owns Yellow Brick Road  – a mortgage broker – and therefore has absolutely no conflicted interest in saying that “Housing Bubble Pty Ltd” will boom, so you must get in now while the going is good.

Australians love this investment so much so you have to join the chorus and buy regardless of the price. 50 times earnings is cheap. It has to be cheap because it is going up. We love this investment so much that its market is worth over 3 times the size of the economy. There aren’t many countries that can boast about having such high values so we are definitely going to have a boom from here. The expectation of all the “experts” of 15% per year gains for the next few years will hopefully allow us to beat Japan and get over the 3.7 times the size of their economy in this investment market that they achieved in 1989. This would be even better than beating them in the world cup soccer. Come on Aussie come on!! We can bid this amazing investment up another 20% to have the most expensive “Housing Bubble Pty Ltd” market in history. Come on Aussie Come on!!!

The Chinese are buying “Housing Bubble Pty Ltd” with their ears pinned back and they don’t like to gamble so it must be a good investment. They are so confident that it will always go up that they are denying the payout of 2%, they are prepared to leave it empty and just let the endless capital growth make them the wealthiest people on earth.

Ladies and Gentlemen, amazing future returns are as safe as houses, you can’t lose if you borrow large amounts of money. Surely if it was risky, the banks and the government would not allow people to buy this investment with only a 5% deposit. Australia doesn’t have recessions like the rest of the world, we are different. We have exceptional government policies that restrict the devaluation of “Housing Bubble Pty Ltd” by restricting the number of shares available to the public.

With the majority of Australians betting that “Housing Bubble Pty Ltd” is the best investment by having 70% of their wealth in it, it is a sign of confidence that you too can invest all your money and join in the growth!

 

Apologies for the sarcasm, but all this spruiking is really starting to get on our nerves around here.